Jesus in Arizona

By: Thomas Reese

June 2, 2010

"This is 911. What is your emergency?"

"Someone is trying to break into my house."

"What is your address?"

"1234 Palm Street in Phoenix."

"Let me check for an available officer. Let's see, I can have someone come by tomorrow between 9 a.m. and noon."

"What? But this is an emergency."

"I'm sorry, but all of our officers are busy with priority calls."

"What takes priority over a burglary?"

"Illegal immigrants."

"You've got to be kidding!"

"No, under the new state law, police officers can be sued if they do not go after illegal immigrants so that is now our number one priority. We don't want to be sued."

"But what about me?"

"Oh, you can't sue if your house is burgled. That's why you are a lower priority."

"But I might get killed."

"Well, if you are dead, you can't sue either."

"Isn't there anything you can do for me?"

"Well, have you seen the burglars?"

"No, I'm hiding in the closet."

"That's too bad, because if they were brown, I could send someone right away."

"Jesus!"

"Did you say, 'Jesus'?"

"Yes, I said, 'Jesus!'"

"Well, if there is a Jesus in your house, that makes you a priority call. There is a high probability that he is an illegal. Sorry, got to go, there is a call on our immigration hotline." Click.

The caller punches the redial button.

"This is 911. What is your emergency?"

"There is a brown guy named Jesus trying to break into my house."

"Don't worry, we will be there right away."

"Oh, thank God."

"You betcha. We are here to serve and protect."

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