Berkley Center

Background: As a part of the Education and Social Justice Project, in June 2016 undergraduate student Jonathan Thrall interviewed Fowzia Abdullahi Abukar, a graduate from the Jesuit Commons: Higher Education at the Margins (JC:HEM) online diploma in liberal studies, implemented by the Jesuit Refugee Service (JRS) in Jordan. She is also a volunteer English teacher for JRS’ informal English program. In this interview, conducted at the JRS Higher Education Center in Amman, Fowzia discusses the discrimination she and her family have faced in Jordan, the diversity of the student body at the JRS Higher Education Center, and the support and community she has found at the center.

Could you please introduce yourself?

My name is Fowzia Abdullahi Abukar. I [am] 21 years old. I am a Somali in nationality. I have been graduated from [the JC:HEM diploma program with a concentration] in the field of education, and I have been in Jordan almost five years with my family, [since] the end of 2011.

You graduated from the diploma in which year?

June 29, 2015. I’m remembering this very well, the date. It was a very special day for me.

Before the diploma what was your background, any studies or professional work?

I was in the United Arab Emirates, and I got an education, a formal one. But unfortunately I wasn’t able to finish. so I reached only the seventh grade, and that’s why I came here. In [Jordan], I didn’t want to complete my studies because of some reasons...because I was afraid to socialize with people here, because [there’s] a lot of discrimination, racism, based on color, nationality, or whatever. And through some of my friends I found the JRS organization that provide free English courses, and I started [when JRS ran its educational programs at a school in the Ashrafiyeh neighborhood of Amman]. I studied one year about, English courses, and I got to know about JC:HEM through them.

So I got introduced to JC:HEM through them, and I wasn’t much interested for applying to this program, because I was afraid that I didn’t have—my level will not match what they are asking for. But I [went] for it [in 2012] and I tried, and yes, it happened: I [was] chosen to be part of the JC:HEM program. And of course the first year was so difficult. Even the second—it was based on self-taught, so we were depending on ourselves and doing much reading, researches, all that stuff, and it was very intensive English. And yeah, I got to know many cultures, beliefs, thoughts, many different subjects.

And you said you found the program through friends who were already doing courses at the school in Ashrafiyeh?

Yeah, so we were the first Somali people to start there, since it included only the Iraqi and the Palestinian nationality. So we were the first group of Somali people to attend.

And you were in the first cohort of diploma students?

Yeah, we were first students to do this amazing program.

What were your experiences when you arrived here in Jordan?

When I arrived here? I used to have many expectation[s], and I have seen the opposite thing. We can say there is security and hope; this is what we were seeking for. But you know, we arrive, we used to live in Jabal Amman. So, this area or this region is famous for gangs and violence, and you know, such a discrimination practice against—this region, I don’t recommend for anyone to go to it.

We spent there two years, and it was the most difficult years we have. Because whenever you walk on the street, or whenever you walk to go to the supermarket, you see a bunch of guys standing and making fun of your color. And they say, "chocolate," and they say, "dark one," and they say sometimes "slave," or "refugees, what are you doing here? Leave, go to your country." And once I remember...I have two brothers, one is 19, and other young one, he is 13 now. So, when they were living there, they used to be treated very bad, because a bunch of guys, for example older than them, used to beat them without reason. Because, "You are different from us," or because, "You are Somali."

And once, I remember, I was walking, and a man who is 40 years—he was arrested by the police and he spent many years in the jail—and I didn’t [know] his background, but he said something. They were playing football, and we, me and my sister, were walking and slowed down and he said, "Hurry up," or, "Why are you walking that slow?" And he [said] some words, some bad words. He insulted us. So we get enough of that, so we decided to call to the police. But unfortunately, the two policemen were standing, with one who insulted me and my sister, and I was telling the police, "This man insulted us, and these guys usually always beating our brothers," and [the man] tried to slap me, but the police didn’t do anything. He just [caught] the man, and they said, "Go for the police station and do a report." But you have seen what he was doing [to] me, in front of you, and you did nothing?

So I was kind of disappointed, and I don’t trust in anyone. At that point I was, like, I don’t trust in anyone, and that’s why we decided to go [live in another neighborhood]. Because we were afraid of his revenge. So that’s why we are the only Somali family who are living in [our new neighborhood]; we are not living in the Somali community for that reason.

Were there other difficulties in the first few months?

Of course. Because, you know, my mother, she was shot in her stomach, her abdomen, in Somalia. She used to work in technical laboratory, in someone’s clinic. So one time, she told me (I was so young I don’t remember) that a gang entered her clinic, and they shot her because her tribe are the minority, because you know tribalism in Somalia is—my tribe is the weakest. So that’s why she shot her, and even my grandpa, her father, was killed [by an] unknown person. He was a very famous doctor in Somalia, but again, his tribe was the minority. So this was an awful situation to be in, for my mother to be in.

I consider her the most strongest woman, because she has seen a lot. She has also witnessed a lot of threats. They were threatening her, and she was afraid inside but wasn’t caring enough because she wanted to help her family and to satisfy our main needs like food, shelter, you know, clothes, education. My mother, she was the one who supported me to do the diploma because she is educated, and she wants her daughters to be educated as well.

And yeah, she [has] seen a lot. Sometimes, I admire—I wonder how she handled all this bad—for me I can’t handle that, but mashallah [God has enabled it]. She is taking a counseling [session] from CVT, the Center for Victims of Torture, and also another institute, Noor el Hussein, that meets the families [needs for] psychological, social support.

And so how are the conditions in Amman?

In Amman? Wow. Well, you know, the life here is expensive, like the condition of life. Even for the foreigners, they can’t handle that. What about the refugees? And with a very limited assistance. Like, we don’t take much from the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees [UNHCR]. Actually, the UNHCR gave us the rent for the house only. Syrians, they are taking coupons or whatever, but for Somali, we are being hugely neglected and ignored. Like no one—no one cares, I feel sometimes. No one cares. Like as much as you—even if you talk too much, no one will listen. Even if you raise your voice, no one will hear, or listen.

Even the health services [are] a bit poor. I don’t know about the Iraqi or Syrians, but for the Somali, it is very poor. My mother has disc and cholesterol, and she has all these disease[s], and whenever she goes to them they only give her aspirin. Come on—aspirin? It is frustrating.

Could you talk about your experience in completing the diploma?

I gained a lot of experiences that I will use in the future. I developed a lot of skills, like writing, critical thinking, research, supporting my ideas, and debate skills, too. And I became more open-minded and—especially, there was a course that I took on world religions that taught me about different religions, for example Hinduism and Confucianism. So that opened my mind to new religions and new practices, new ideas, new world perspectives.

And I also took a course on interpersonal communication. I was already used to a lot of the things they taught us, though. Like reading body language and facial expressions, and how it is different from one culture to another—that for some cultures it is fine to do certain things, but for another culture it is totally mean to do it. And so we were already used to it because we had students from so many different backgrounds. So it was easy.

On that note, how do you negotiate that diversity of the center? Are there challenges involved in having such a diverse student body?

Well, education is what brings us all together in the same room. And regardless of your differences, different backgrounds, different places of origin, religions, all that, we all learn to appreciate each other. We became one community together. One nation, one community. And we would collaborate together, work together. We had a high respect for one another.

Was this acceptance and appreciation there from the beginning, or did the center help create it?

Yeah, the center helped create that. Without the presence of center, for offering the environment, the learning environment, this wouldn’t be possible to happen. But with their constant help and with their guidance and instructions, yeah, it [was] finally achieved. And it is growing and it is becoming a large community, learning community.

And so it really is more than just classes or just a program?

Yeah, it is more than that. You got to know to your classmates. For example, you would talk about some useful things. They would [get] to know your culture and ask some questions, and you would do the same thing to them.

So what does this center represent for you?

It represents—all Jordan is peace and secure, but it represents a secure [space]. You [aren’t] afraid to share your ideas. It represents democracy, and it represents love, cooperation, and respect and all that. Yeah, all [those] things.

Do you feel like you’re at home here, almost?

Well, no, we can’t say I’m at home. Home is different. Home is where heart is. But, yeah, kind of, we feel belongness to it, but we can’t say home. Even I can’t say Jordan [is] home; it is my second. But we can’t say it. I have one home: Somalia.

So you finished your program, but you still come back here and see people?

Yeah, and I do volunteering work. I work with them, and I teach informal [English class] every Monday. I work with the students. I want to put my knowledge into practice, to benefit others.

What is your greatest source of motivation in pursuing your studies and volunteering here?

Okay so, I had a biggest motivation from within me. So I used to be a better person that can be—we can say, dependable. And, for example, I had that goal in mind, that I want to be better. I want to be an educated person that can do a lot contributions to my community. And also, my biggest motivation was my mother was there for me, always. There was a time, moment, that I want to just let, to give up, and I [didn’t] want to continue anymore, but my mother was there for me. My instructors, my facilitators were there supporting me, behind me, and cheering me up, cheering on. So yeah, without them, without having that motivation I couldn’t do it like that. So yeah, I had that goal in front of my eye, and I just wanted to follow it, regardless of the difficulties I might face.

What does this diploma that you have mean to you?

It meant a lot. Like nowadays you can’t find a free education. It costs a lot of money. But this was like a dream. Like, "Oh, finally I have a free education that I can—all the materials are provided, all the supplies, all the supporting." So I used to come with the determination. As I said, it meant a lot for me, since I became close to achiev[ing] my goals. I grew up, I became mature, my self esteem increased. And yeah, I can say, without the diploma program, I wouldn’t be as educated as now, and as understanding or as an open-minded as now. So, yeah, it means a lot.

How do you hope to, or maybe, how are you already using what you’ve learned?

We can say I’m using it now. Even if being a refugee. But this can’t keep me [from] doing what I like, which is sharing my knowledge with other students. Encouraging them as my instructors used to encourage me. In the future I want to, as I said, raise awareness, especially, particularly in my community or wherever I would be. So I would educate those young children, because they are considered the generation that we will depend on, that will spread love and decrease hate and war and violence. And so through education I can do best of my work. And I want to continue my studies in different fields. One field can be maybe linguistics, or social justice. Anything that’s related to the community.

What does social justice mean to you?

Maybe fighting for the weakest other’s rights. Maybe, for example, feminism can be part of social justice. It is a broad [thing], social justice. It is mainly about rights. I don’t have a background of social justice!

Do you think that social justice has a role here at the center, at JRS?

Yeah, we can say they are treating us like we are the same. Equally. So no one [is] superior than another. We are treated like humans, and this what we all seeking: to be treated as human, not less than human. Yeah, so this is the main thing. And all the students having the same opportunities, they are having an access to the same opportunities and no discrimination, as I said, no racism based on color, religion, whatever. Yeah, we can say they are applying social justice in their daily practice.

What are your thoughts on the name of the program, JC:HEM, "Jesuit Commons: Higher Education at the Margins"?

This name? So, for the first time I didn’t [know] the meaning of "margins." I knew it in the third year. So when my classmate came to me and I—we had to design the tickets for the graduation, and I had to translate each word in Arabic. It means in English like those who are—no one [is] caring about, or they are left aside and no one looks at them? Is it that? I found it a bit offensive! It is really offensive. Because are we considered as that? At the end we’re still human, you know. Maybe a better name, maybe a different, that meets their needs or their desires. But it would be a little bit cooler if it was different. Yeah, this is really offensive. But they are doing a really good job...it’s only a name.

What were the greatest challenges in your studies? Or perhaps the greatest challenge was once you finished the program?

You mean after I finished what was my greatest challenge? Because obviously I used to have challenges when I was studying [for the] diploma but, for me, I consider the challenges that I have now after finishing the diploma much greater than what I used to have. So, for example, our certificate is unrecognized [in Jordan] because it is online. Here in Jordan the job opportunities is so limited, even those who are Jordanian themselves they can’t find a job, so [as a refugee] you could never find a job.

So for me, I’m thinking about a future, not about [this] moment. I’m thinking about my future: like, how I can help my mother. Like, I want to work and, beside working, I want to even continue my studies. So I can’t find that here. Like, we are only waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Not much progress is seen, even from UNHCR. I have been five years, and I’m done with it. I’m done with Jordan.

So you’re just waiting for resettlement?

I’m waiting, but nothing seems to be clear. Like, nothing, no sign that this would happen or—but I have, inshallah [if God wills it], hope. I have hope. I will never lose the hope, inshallah. Alhamdulilah [Praise be to God]. Without hope I could not live.

Like, when I first finished the diploma, I felt a greater pressure. I used to think a lot, a lot. Because I said, "What about what is after the diploma? What are you doing after diploma? Are you working, are you finding, are you receiving a scholarship, or what is the next step?" So I was, all the night and day, thinking, thinking. I wasn’t eating very much. I wasn’t eating at all. I used to be isolated from others when I finished the diploma. I was thinking, "What will you do now?" So I stopped eating. I wasn’t eating anything. So I started thinking and isolated, and so much of the time I was crying, because of our situation. Like, at the end I felt a huge pressure on me. Like, now you finish; now you can’t do anything. So I was interned to mental health hospital. I stayed almost four days. I received the medicine or the treatment because my psychological state [was] weak as—I don’t know.

Even [Georgetown professor Dr. Rochelle Davis] has visited me in the hospital. She was the one who—so it was Friday back [in] 2015; it was our graduation. Our graduation was on Friday, and I was in the hospital. They refused to let me go because I had to pay money. But [former JRS facilitator] Maya Pearlman and Rochelle Davis wanted figure out a way [for me to attend], so Rochelle comes to me, and she paid that through JRS. So I wouldn’t [have been] able to even catch my graduation day! It was the last minute. We went home, and I wore that, the graduation [gown] without even...I only washed my face, never put any makeup on. I was in, we can say, the margins! So [Davis] said, "You used to be fashionable! Where is your sense of fashion?" I was at that moment so weak, so it was very tough times. I hate to remember.

It comes actually from the anxiety I used to have. I used to be worked under high pressure. Then suddenly I stopped, like I finished everything, and I told to myself, "What’s next now? I’m sitting and doing nothing," and yeah, stress and anxiety. I wasn’t having much night hour sleep at that time. Not now, alhamdulilah. [I’m] sleeping, even eating.

Is there anything you would do to improve the experience here, at the center? Or the diploma itself?

Maybe a bigger place, a bigger building. Because the number [of students is] increasing, they are growing. You know, enough space for them to be included. And maybe adding some other courses, like art or handicraft or—

Because you’re an artist, right? So you think an art class would have been good for your own art?

Yeah, of course! There is much hidden talent, talented people, not only me who can draw! I know one Iraqi girl; she is better than me. She knows how to exactly draw the person. But I am doing progress. I don’t want to stay here forever. I want to travel.