Berkley Center

If asked whether it’s okay to strike a woman, most men would answer with a resounding NO. Yet men still hit women. Men still assault women. Men still harass women.

Why?

French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu argues that “injunctions as insignificant as ‘sit up straight’ or ‘don’t hold your knife in your left hand,’” can actually “inscribe the most fundamental principles of a culture in seemingly innocuous details.” Our behavior changes not through well-reasoned lectures and books but through seemingly “insignificant injunctions.”

Insignificant injunctions like “Man up!”

When men yell “Be a man” to a guy who won’t hit or act “tough enough” on the sports field or boardroom, it’s not some innocuous jest. Rather, such jokes and jabs influence our social and personal formation as human beings. Through what is implied and felt, teasing—particularly the kind that projects an imaginative ideal—has the power to shape our gender norms and behavior. As such, some men become hypermasculine, often seeking sexual conquest to feel whole, or refusing to confess that they’re wrong in arguments or to admit that they’re sad or scared, and the list goes on.

So what do well-intentioned, otherwise decent guys—not all, but certainly way too many—learn to do when they’re wrong or sad or afraid or lonely? They learn to “win” arguments with dominance or physical force. To lash out. To take by assault. To harass as their imagined right.

We won’t change behavior by ever more loudly asserting “Do not hit women.” That message is fine and good, but it has been said and affirmed and forgotten. We’ll only transform a culture when we challenge our mythic ideal of aggressive, emotionless masculinity and attune ourselves to how that myth manifests itself in subtle ways.

So where do such myths fester and grow? And how might Christians influence that space?

For many young men, locker rooms and sports arenas are the first places that teach them what really matters. And “what really matters” is being tough and competitive and confident. Recognizing the cultural gravitas of such spaces, Christian organizations like the YMCA and Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) have often sought to share the Gospel by preaching to athletes. These parachurch ministries have a history of influencing American athletics and stand poised to transform broader cultural assumptions about masculinity.

Consider all the well-intentioned young Christian men who aspire to play with honest character, who value hard work over talent, who strive not to root their identity in their athletic ability, and who give glory to God rather than fanning their own pride. Of course, some of these young men fail, only reflecting and repeating the patterns of this world. But this is an example of the church doing something (mostly) right. Christians can honestly point to these young athletes as trying to be salt and light in a culture that worships fame and power.

Yet, if Christians truly want to change the twisted masculine culture that fosters violence against women, they must reimagine their model male Christian athlete not only as humble, but also as vulnerable. When male-perpetrated domestic abuse and sexual assault emerges from athletic culture, it is not enough for the YMCA or FCA to encourage their athletes to simply be kind to women. These ministries should bear witness to an alternative ideal—one that affirms sensitivity. When responding to fear and sadness, innocuous injunctions like “Boys don’t cry!” must be replaced with “Cry it out.”

What if well-established Christian ministries like FCA incorporated such strategies—and not simply as an addendum but as part and parcel of what it means to be a Christ-like athlete? What if they shared these truths:

That it’s okay to cry at times other than when you lose the state championship in the fourth quarter. That confidence isn’t speaking first or loudest or longest. That listening to silenced voices is vital. That fear is normal. That physical affection isn’t just sexual. That sadness is to be shared. That telling a friend “I love you” is cool. That being a man is so much more than what this world offers.

Ministries that serve male Christian athletes are uniquely positioned to influence one of the most ubiquitous and insidious engines of hyper-masculinity in America. It is time they offer a vision of healthy masculinity. It is time they capture the imaginations of young male athletes with an image of Christ who is not only humble and honest, but also sensitive and vulnerable.