Berkley Center

Since 1948, an “Arlington Lady” has been present at every funeral ceremony at Arlington National cemetery. After World War II, when General Hoyt Vandenberg noticed that some Arlington military funerals were unattended by family or friends—often due to the advanced age of the deceased or the long distance of the family—he and his wife determined that each and every funeral would have someone in attendance bearing witness to the service and sacrifice of the veteran. The Arlington Ladies were born, and their motto became “No soldier will ever be buried alone.” 

Ultimately, each Arlington Lady symbolically represents the Army Chief of Staff and his wife; it is their notecard the ladies present to the family of the deceased expressing gratitude, along with words of comfort from the lady herself, and her contact info if the mourners need to reach out. 

Judy Caldwell has been an Arlington Lady now for seven years and is used to being a leader in serving; her husband General John Caldwell graduated from the US Military Academy at West Point class of 1967 and served in the Pentagon. In the military, the wives of commanding officers often assume leadership roles on bases and in the larger military community. Judy serves in leadership positions on boards, committees, and in volunteer organizations that are often created by military wives when needs arise. 

“My role at Arlington,” says Caldwell, “is to provide the families with comfort, strength, and peace during this time in their lives.” It’s a role she is used to, as she was raised in Tuscaloosa Alabama in a family with a strong service ethic. “I saw my parents extend themselves to the people all around them,” Caldwell says. 

For Caldwell, her own religious tradition inspires the purpose behind her work: “My dad was an elder in the First Presbyterian Church of Tuscaloosa, and my mom a deacon. My parents taught me what God expects of me and that is to serve others; they thought of everyone but themselves. They trained my twin sister and brother and me to be service-focused, that we are here to serve God by helping others—that’s how I view my Arlington service, serving God by helping grieving families in their suffering.” 

Just miles away from the center of the American government, from time to time, service members are buried without the presence of any family or loved ones at all. But an Arlington Lady is always there. It's hard to think of their work as anything but a profoundly spiritual, meaningful state ministry. 

“If no one is present but myself, the full honors are still given, not a detail overlooked," Caldwell explains. "Caisson with horses for the casket, flag folding ceremony, Taps bugler, gun salute—these are the full honors for a ranking officer in the Army and sometimes the ceremony is just them and myself, to honor the veteran for their service.” 

When asked what is most helpful to the mourning families, Caldwell reflects, sharing that she thinks it is her calmness and poise; such composure is reassuring enough to the family that they can relax a bit and feel the significance of the moment. Through the presence of an Arlington Lady, mourners know that the nation cares deeply enough for its military dead to commit an entire unit of the Army, the 3rd US Infantry, to this ritual of thankfulness for those who serve. 

Caldwell says that through her service, she gets so much more than she feels she gives: “That’s what I call living: to give of yourself unselfishly. Without any expectations, freely. What gratification!”