Friday evening in 50
Amigos—Mexico City’s hip pizza joint—some friends and I make our way to the
cashier. My male friends start dividing up the cost of the food. One female
friend quietly tells the other girls, “We should pitch in too,” though she only
says it out of courtesy, not willingness.
As the males continued to discuss who should pay what, I quietly tell the cashier “$200 pesos por favor”—a fair contribution. As the transaction goes through, one of my male friends angrily rushes to me. “What have you done? You shouldn’t have paid!” I didn’t know how to respond so I just smiled politely and made my way back to my female friends—who had made no effort in paying their part. The next day, I replayed the situation in my head and was confused as to why my male friend was so upset by the fact that I had paid the equivalent of $10.
This was not the first instance, but one of many experiences, where my male friends paid for meals, movies, and Uber rides, while my female friends stood idly by. Though I understand that my male friends want to pay as to be chivalrous, when it becomes an everyday occurrence, it makes me feel guilty. But it goes beyond guilt; I feel as if I owe my male friends something that money can’t buy: a relationship.
I once explained this to a Mexican male friend, who responded in shock: “When we pay for girls, it doesn’t always mean we want a relationship, we just want them to be taken care of financially.” This response did not make the situation any easier to understand. I, as a female, feel financially able to take care of myself and even invite others to out; the fact that many Mexican males believe otherwise shocked me.
Back in the United States, all my friends pay equally despite gender differences. Even in my past relationships, there has always been an equal division of the costs: one day I pay for a meal, the next day he pays. This makes me feel equally in control of the relationship/friendship. But in Mexico City if the female pays for the date, it makes the male feel inadequate.
One might conclude that if both Mexican males and females feel comfortable with males paying, there is no problem. However, it goes beyond the question of “Who should pay?” Although Mexico City is recognized to be the most liberal of all Mexican cities, there’s still much to be done to strengthen feminism. If a female continues to be dependent on her male friends, how will she ever learn to be independent?
Females in Mexico City rely too much on males, a situation that can turn bitter. Many females cannot live without the financial support of their male partners, and many males take advantage of this. Even in dating culture, many females try to marry the richer males, instead of educating themselves to be financially independent and thus in control. Although this mentality is slowly changing, I can still see it in every relationship I encounter—even with younger girls in my university.
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