In many ways, the fact that I don’t have a nostalgic connection to the songs and movies has made me a consistent outsider in this season. As a child, even in public school, we sang songs that were deeply connected to Christian holidays and I would often think about how I couldn’t find Eid or other Muslim holidays in the vernacular of our culture and larger American community. Of course, much has changed since then, as Eid al-Fitr is now a recognized holiday in some public school systems in the United States. Companies now produce Eid-related items, corporations target Muslims for Eid advertisements, and we will see even more of these types of practices emerge in the United States over time.
I do not regret this childhood status as an outsider. Of course, the conventional wisdom is to argue for the inclusion of all traditions at the table. I have done this and will always advocate for it. Yet, there is something in the status of being a minority that produces a form of empathy for others who experience this in other ways. For me the lessons are as follows.
Cultural Fluency
I learned from this experience that I could speak in multiple languages. Here I speak not just about the actual language of multiple religious holidays, but also the cultures and customs of various communities. In a monocultural setting, we may never have to explain our holidays or study the origin of why we do what we do. Rituals can be part of what we call tacit culture in conflict resolution; they become so embedded in our daily life that we don’t know why we do them. I had to uncover the tacit culture of a larger, non-Muslim reality and also return to my own home culture and tradition to ask why we did what we did on our holidays.
At a young age, switching between cultures gave me a fluency that would not have been possible if I was only interacting with one group of people. People who are adaptable and able to move between different contexts and cultures are often leaders who can play the role of peacebuilders and ambassadors for understanding between groups. This becomes all the more important in interfaith conflicts, which are intercultural in nature. Bridge builders who can speak in a multitude of languages and to various audiences can become indispensable resources.
Perspective Taking
One of the cornerstones for developing empathy—as a cognitive construct, worldview, and behavior—is the ability to practice perspective taking: “the act of perceiving a situation or understanding a concept from an alternative point of view, such as that of another individual.”
My status as an outsider meant that I had to regularly see the world from the perspective of others in order to understand why this time was considered sacred and important to them. When we practice perspective taking, we do not have to agree with the views of another, but we make a concerted effort to understand them, and, ultimately, one hopes that we come to appreciate their viewpoint.
Peacebuilding is truly an enterprise of perspective taking. I often tell my students, your job as a peacemaker is to humanize all parties in a conflict. When we see the depth, nuance, and validity of an alternative view on an issue we hold dear, we begin to acknowledge the humanity of the other. Conversely, if we do not make an effort to engage in and become exposed to viewpoints different from our own, it is far easier to dehumanize another and ultimately to use harm as a tool.
Again, I emphasize, we do not have to agree with the alternate perspective. Perhaps, most importantly, the task is to try to understand why it might be important to someone else.
- What led them to value this perspective?
- What might I learn from them about this practice that I don’t know from my own experience?
- What values do they attach to their world view?
These are the same questions I asked as a 6-year-old, walking into a classroom, when Santa was all over the place and I had no experience with him. Of course, my analysis was not that sophisticated, but it was there. I had wonder and curiosity that opened me to trying to understand while continuing to hold on dearly to my own beliefs.
Maybe we live in a time when thinking about how our experiences of being unique, different, or standing out can teach us skills that build connection instead of only alienation. Holidays are profoundly meaningful religious and spiritual modalities of engaging with the world, sharing our values within our community, and communicating those values, especially to the next generation of believers in our own groups.
Let us use this holiday season to ignite curiosity in our own traditions and be willing and open to increase the literacy of others in our practices. In addition to this work of education, it is also a time to open our hearts and minds to the lessons that we can learn from that child sitting in the corner, who at a time may have been us, as perhaps they can teach us now as adults to appreciate, honor, and empathize with the world views of others. It could make the world kinder for so many of us.
