Berkley Center

Family, both immediate and extended, plays a central role in Jordanian culture and society—much more so than in the United States. Islamic tradition emphasizes the importance of community over the individual, and the family is the building block of community. A very basic difference between the United States and Jordan in this respect is average family size: in America it's 3.2, while in Jordan it's 5.4. Thus not only are families here larger, but they are more closely connected.

The central place of the family and the extended family in Jordanian life explains why Arabic uses a different word for ‘maternal uncle’ versus ‘paternal uncle.’ Along the same lines, the man who's married to your aunt is not referred to as your uncle, but rather as the husband of your aunt. These linguistic clues point to the fact that family and blood relations are not taken lightly here. If you are Jordanian, mentioning your last name (in Arabic ‘family name’) to a new acquaintance means they will already know something about you, and they are likely to know one of your many relatives.

Unfortunately these close family connections often carry over to politics or employment and result in a system that is not exactly merit-based or equal opportunity. As an example, my host brother recently lost his job in Dubai, but he is not worried about finding a job in Amman because his fiancé's family is related to King Abdullah. Typical. However, family connections do not only come into play in the job market, but also in traditions such as marriage. The concept of elopement is unheard of in Jordan. If your family does not agree to or approve of your beloved, you do not marry him or her—end of story. Parents are very involved in the courtship and engagement process, and the idea that marriage is the marriage not just of two people, but of two families, is much more true here than in the United States.

In addition, children usually live at home until marriage. My host siblings here are 28, 27, 24, and 20 years old, and despite the fact that they hold jobs or attend university, they all live at home under their parents' roof. My Jordanian peers think it's crazy and scary that the majority of American kids leave their parents’ house at age 18, with many heading off to college in a faraway state. Families here tend to live in the same city, or even the same neighborhood.

The distinct difference between Jordan and the United States in this respect highlights the Jordanian emphasis on community and family versus the American mindset of independence and individuality. Much of Jordan's focus on family comes from the Islamic tradition with its community values. In Arabic, Friday, which is the Muslim holy day, is called ‘youm al-juma’a’ (‘day of gathering/community).’ Thus Fridays here are commonly spent visiting family members——a practice that is a larger reflection of the bustling hubbub of families and friends found in the mosque courtyards after Friday prayers. This emphasis on family and community makes Jordanian society a very close-knit network, with implications for everything from marriage to politics.