Berkley Center

Morgan Jeffrey Feigal-Stickles: You have been a caretaker to so many people and you've experienced a lot of loss. What have you learned from that or what advice would you give somebody else who's facing something similar?

María de la Luz “Lucy” Cárdenas: As I look now at my husband facing the end of his life, I just think of how fortunate I am that I have him to caress him, to walk with him towards his death. He's gravely ill. He's suffered two strokes. It hurts not to have that man that I had before, but the memories are beautiful. I still have him. He's still here. So the day he dies and goes and begins his eternal life, I will have known that the best part of me, he's leaving, but he leaves the best part of him with me.

When we went to the Holy Land the last time, it was 2010 and we were celebrating our thirty-eighth anniversary. And Bishop Tamayo was celebrating Mass in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre where Christ's tomb was and gave us a blessing. And I reflected on that. I thought, what a strange place to celebrate a wedding anniversary. But I think it was preparation. And the last pilgrimage that Alberto and I made was to Fatima in 2012. And that was another one of those moments where you feel called, like a drawing, strong drawing. And it was for me to reflect on the rest of my life. And Alberto wasn't sick then. So these pilgrimages have been moments of intimacy with the Lord, openness to his will, and a time for both Alberto and I to connect even deeper. The bond is very deep.

It's a beautiful love. It's a beautiful love story. For me, it has been the greatest life experience. When you walk with someone towards their death, they are facing their end. It is very difficult for them. It's difficult for you because you're having to let go of them. But can you imagine what they're going through? Because they have to let go. And so you have to help them transition into those who have preceded them. So you can call on their parents, you can call on their siblings and tell them to be with them, to greet them, other than to say, "The Lord is waiting for you."

I'm a strong believer in Roman Catholicism. It's inside of me, just every fiber of my being. So my last prayer is going to be, remember that Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are with you and bring that kind of calmness and not be afraid to touch them, to caress them, to show them that. Some need to be held. My mother was so frail…96-year-old lady that was still really sharp. And she kept thanking me. Thank you for the embrace. It's not a hug. It's a true embrace. Because when you embrace someone, you accept the whole person. And you can kiss them, you can caress them, you can listen to them. You let them cry, feel their pain.

And it is a privilege. And now this privilege that I'm having with my spouse, at first it hurts too much, but you have to arm yourself with strength. And it's okay if they see you cry. It's okay. I do a lot of praying. Simple prayers. You know what my prayer is every day? And I say it a lot of time. Lord, grant Alberto the grace of long-suffering and of endurance. And grant me the grace of fidelity and of perseverance. It's nothing profound, honey. It's just very simple.

Morgan Jeffrey Feigal-Stickles: Yeah. Yeah.

María de la Luz “Lucy” Cárdenas: Yeah. And you're open to those around them because they're suffering also.